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12 Steps to Help you move through life without your loved ones "physical form".

These are some of the things that have helped me move through, and are still helping me today - maybe they can help you too! I am so sorry for your loss, I know it hurts. Please accept my sincere and deepest condolences.

Breathe

Give yourself and others permission to grieve for as long as it takes

Life is changing in the face of this loss

Deal with guilt in a healthy way

Do not limit your thinking

Write

Remember the life of your loved one

It is OK to sleep

There is physical pain associated with this kind of loss

A thought of your loved one is OK

Not OK to hurt yourself or others

Rituals can help

1. Breathe
Breathe anything you can breathe through you can live through. Take some nice big breaths, really fill up your lungs with air and then exhale, sending out all the negative energy, thoughts and actions. Now take in new positive air filled with good actions and kind thoughts (repeat this until you feel your body thanking you).

2. Give yourself and others permission to grieve for as long as it takes.
The sooner the better. Tears are a uniquely human response to pain. It is cleansing and healing. They do not always come when it is convenient. In many cases there appears to be someone waiting for you to stop crying, or talk you out of the tears, (find a safe place and let it go). Cry, allow yourself to collapse into the tears as well as the fears. Cry, for every thing you lost. Cry, for what will never be! and if tears do not come that does not mean you do not feel this loss. It is OK not to cry ~ Just as long as you have some way to vent ~ If you do not give it the attention and time it takes to grieve it will come out somewhere, and maybe when you are not expecting it. If you have lost someone near to you grief is valid, there is now a physical separation. You are here and your beloved is off having the most wondrous experiences, dancing on moonbeams, and perhaps for the first time in years feeling a body of joyous light and freedom, being bathed in love and having an altogether lovely time. Happy for them, but, for the ones left behind this feels more like hell -- it is OK to grieve. This is sad, it is a rip off, and your life as you knew it will never be the same.

3. Life is changing in the face of this loss.
Who and what you were perhaps is no longer who and what you will be. Suddenly, relationships that we did not question are now confusing. Friendships that were so strong cannot hold up to the force of this destruction. Our ground of being is shifting and as in an earthquake, we must wait out the aftershocks before putting ourselves back together. No matter how "together" you were before this happened you are "new" . Treat yourself as a new baby, unable to take care of its self, it needs rest, food, cleaned up when it gets "messy", and constant nurturing.

4. Deal with any possible guilt in a healthy way.
Anger is an emotion that we will feel, may be at the time of death anger may be directed at the deceased or towards yourself, whatever or wherever it is directed it is bound to come out. It is OK to be angry it is not OK to let it rule you. We cannot bring them back, we cannot change the way things are now; we cannot change what we did or what we did not. What we can change is the way we hurt ourselves over our guilt. Take that energy and turn it into a good thing. A piece of artwork, a poem, or a better way of living. Being a better person because your new "Angel" is watching. Redecorate, relocate, adopt a "pet" or a new craft. Take up a sport. Whatever it is dedicate it to the memory of your loved one, as a tribute to them . do it with ALL your heart. Do something that you can be passionate about.

5. Do not limit your thinking.
It is interesting to me that one of the first things a child learns is bye-bye and it is one of the last things we say to a loved one that has passed away. Things are different now but not necessarily "over". Say "good-bye" to one form and "hello" to another. I once heard this statement ~* Maybe this "Life" is the "Illusion" what comes after is the "reality". Possibly there is no end at the time of physical death and that we are not separated from our loved one at the death of the physical form. Is water no longer water, when it is changed into an ice cube, or when it is in evaporation? (Form changes "NOT ESSENCE"). True communications of the heart: Our loved one is still available to us! Not as before ~* Now different. It is up to you to make yourself available to this new way of being together. Be open ~* you will know the feeling. Talk and know that your words and feelings are instantly known ~* express them now.

6. Write.
There is power in writing. It can help heal pain and grief. Sometimes it is hard to know where to begin. The process of putting your feelings, thoughts, and experiences down on paper will give you the opportunity to work through the pain and the sorrow.

7. Remember the life of your loved one.
So often, we cannot move pass the "one" day they died. They lived many minutes, days, years, lets not focus so much attention on the day they died? What if your loved one can "see" you all the time? - What would they be seeing you do? ~*I read once that Mourning is LOVE with no place to go. *~ You can send your love to your loved one right now. Go ahead ~ try it ~ It is better than nothing ~ and it really is something.

8. It is OK to sleep.
"Sleep knits the raveled sleeve of care", -- Shakespeare. A great deal of healing takes place in the dreams remembered or not, that occur during sleep. Emotional upheavals are exhausting and take vast amounts of energy that need to be restored.

9. There is a certain amount of physical pain associated with this kind of loss.
Watch for where the pain appears. Be aware of it, touch it, and think of it as the place that is connecting you to your loved one. Breathe into it. - Relax into it. (remembering is a good place) This is a step in your continuing relationship. We freeze up because we remember they are not here. We do not want to think about it! We do not want to see anyone that has anything to do with his or her life. This is hard on the body, mind and spirit.

10. A thought of a loved one is OK.
OK for the tears to fall. OK to take a "big breath" into the memory. OK to experience the memory as if it were the first time. OK to feel the spot that hurts. OK to rub it gently, it is a connection to your loved one. OK to talk about it. OK to write about it. OK to laugh about things. This wonderful memory is a connection to them. Think of this the same way you would enjoy the ride down a fun hill. Let it give you a "tickle". This Memory is a Treasure

11. Not OK to hurt yourself or others.
Sometimes bad thing happen to good people. (REMEMBER! nothing ever really dies it only changes). Use this time to become healthier, wiser, kinder, and a more spiritual person.

12. Rituals can help.
Rituals are specifically designed actions, whether physical or mental, that are used to change our perception of reality. Rituals help realize and utilize energy flows ~* Remember feelings are energy. Make a list of your feelings, for example, I am sad____, when you run out of one feeling move on to the next feeling, I am Mad____, I remember___, I feel___. It is OK to cry while writing or talking. Keep moving through the tears. Remember the good times, the bad times. Express "LOVE", or "VENT anger". Do this freely without censoring what comes out. The point is to get it "out". Do a "two chair" with the person you lost...Put yourself in one chair and the other in another chair. Talk to them, shift chairs and have the person talk to you. Keep doing this until your energy shifts. Stand in front of the mirror and tell yourself how you feel. See yourself ask for forgiveness, and give love and acceptance, and approval. Build a MEMORIAL. Have pictures and special items, candles, whatever brings YOU comfort (this is allowing a place for connection). Whatever Ritual is best for YOU is the RIGHT ONE! You will find that very special place that will connect to your loved one.

With everything that has been said I want you to especially remember this one thing about Death ~* Maybe life is NOT over because of "death", and there is a "light" at the end of the tunnel ~* Maybe just maybe this is only a part of the journey ~*

"The Physical Form Has Ended NOT the Relationship!"
Continuing the journey, your new friend
Robin ~*